SPEAK, The Name of the Beast!

I look at you, and I see on your faces expressions that I would name the Virtues of Youth, Character, Intelligence, Maturity, even Vision…

But we know, don’t we, that our faces are thin masks adept at disguise.

Haven’t each of us seen through someone’s mask and glimpsed a beast craving unbridled expression? Certainly, we have heard it, felt it in ourselves, because it articulates how we identify ourselves to others. Someone asks,“Tell me about yourself.” The beast creates a glowing biography of you, The Magnificent. Your life is more interesting and coherent than you knew. You did this without much thought. Quite often the beast follows form, obeying your every command. But know that it has been growing on its own behind our masks since before we had a name for it. It has been listening carefully, preparing itself. 

At times the beast slips its collar. It sees ours mates, friends, colleagues, relatives as PREY. Yes, Then, it has free reign to deny reality, defy the limits of reason, delight in ridicule. I call this only partly domesticated beast-- SPEECH. 

You remember how you learned to form sentences? Neither do I.  Before we got to kindergarten we were forming grammatically correct sentences. The creature inside us did this while we weren’t paying attention to Subjects/ Verbs/ Predicates/ Prepositions. It has grown on its own and because it is faster than our leash of thought, it can break free from our grasp. There is no treat that can control its sudden lurch.

Have you never dug yourself a verbal sinkhole? Mark Twain said, “It is better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” But we can’t help ourselves, and the beast is subtle. It is ready to strike even when we are not. Decades ago, I was at a social event hosted by a colleague. “I hear you’ve had a new addition to the family.” “Yes,” he answered, “my wife and I are so proud. A baby boy.” “That’s great. What did you name him?”  “Reagan!”  “You’re kidding.” “You’re kidding,” one of my oft used automatic responses to what I just heard and found unbelievable to implausible. Only days later, replaying the short dialogue, did I realize that, beyond revealing my political bias, I had insulted the man and mocked his son.  Forget about tightening the leash.  It is too late. The bite was already taken. Decades later I cannot believe the unintended cruelty. If I had only given those words five seconds of thought. I never intended to offend my colleague.  It was the beast. If I could only have remained silent. 

Maybe you have your own favorite unconscious expression—Oh Really?—Say What?  During a get-together someone has gone on Far Too Long about a political or social opinion, or her newly remodeled bathroom… her favorite episode of her favorite TV show. Finally, she has run out of details and asks you what you think. You don’t know if she really cares, or if she realized she went on too long. You cannot help yourself. You reply, “WhatEver!”  WhatEver has just trivialized, devalued what was important to the other person.  No matter how mind-numbing the details were, how irrational the ideas, there are other ways to reply. If you don’t want further discussion, a polite if condescending—Sounds like you’ve really thought of everything—would give you cover. If you are intrepid enough to ask for more, a –How’d you reach that conclusion? Tell me more!—would show that you are in control of the beast and that your relationship to the speaker is of value and significance. Or you desire punishment to pay off a karmic debt you’d just remembered.

I find myself often in a state of “NO.” You know what I mean. We get there when we’re tired, when we’ve done enough, even had enough! Let’s see-- Your significant other is bursting to share his great idea about socializing this week-end, having his family over for a BBQ, maybe even staying over…yes, including all the nieces and nephews. Isn’t that the very thing you were hoping for—another opportunity to clean the house, cook for the in-laws, and get the guest room ready.  And then to clean it all up after they leave. Or this-- One of the staff you supervise has a great, complicated proposal to save the department time, money and stress, if only you have 60 minutes of free-time to listen to it. Your beast is ready, it stares arrogantly out of your blood-thirsty eyes and wants to howl into the caverns of language’s long history, “How dare you, how could you even presume to suggest…Absolutely NO!”  Alas, the beast is less patient than polite. There’s only one way to leash the beast in on this one. Training. Not the beast’s but yours.  You have to practice YES before you open the door to the office or room where you are going to be ambushed.  And when your beast sees the Prey’s face, tell the beast, “I have a treat for you. But we have to say Yes.” WE have to say YES! Only you know what to give the beast for a treat. You really do know the beast. When it makes you feel, deep into your inner core, that it is so right to pronounce the word, NO, dare the beast to say YES whatever the cost.

You have to get the beast to Sit=Stay before you go into the room or engage in the conversation. There is no way you can be talking to another person and the beast at the same time. The YES has to be rehearsed before you enter the field of play.  Even as you bring your dog to a Sit-Stay before you open the gate to the dog park. 

Our sound-bite society glorifies spontaneous responses on the spur of the moment.  Ridicule rules our language day. So, you will hear the beast take over your voice. But not being your beast’s master is a sure way to show others that you aren’t the person they thought you were….and it is a sure way to hear for yourself that you are not the person you want to be. Unless, Toastmasters, you think you are better off letting the beast take the lead, remember to take your beast to obedience school. The beast is Speech. Obedience school begins here.